Having Trouble Sleeping

  Lately, I’ve been having trouble sleeping. I have been working a lot more and then coming home and doing some cleaning. But I just can’t figure out why I feel tired. I have been like this my whole life, but it’s just getting to me now. All I want to do it lay in bed and chill out or sleep. Sleep seems awesome to me. I’m sure I get enough sleep all together. I have been somewhat depressed.  I would like to move out of state. Since ive been working I have been making more money. Every pay check has gone to bills. I hate this! Hopefully everything will change, because there are somethings that have changed for the better. Maybe when income tax comes and with the money i hope to save I can finaly move. 🙂

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He loves me, He loves me not

I sit and wonder where I am.
Where did I go?
I closed my eyes and dreamt of stars and rainbow of colours.
The vibrant reds,blues, and yellows seem so beautiful.
How did i not see it before?
I can hear voices but no faces appear.
Trees are dancing in the light pink breeze, the grass is so green.
Who’s yelling my name, its peaceful here Idon’t want to leave.
Then heavy-ness becomes my body.
I have flashes of Him, the red is dripping artfuly from his hand.
Then the bright white is everywhere, the voices are louder and more clear.
What do they want with me?
I open my eyes and see the tubes coming out, the IV in my arm.
I thought he cared, I thought he loved me, why put me here?

Tofu Masala

So i made this recipe. Find it on allrecipes.com

Serves 4

2Tbsp and 2 tsp canola oil, divide

1-1/4 (14oz) package firm tofu,cubed

1-1/4 Onion,chopped

1-1/4 clove garlic, minced

1-1/4 green bell pepper,chopped

1-1/4 (15oz) can garbanzo beans,drained

1-1/4 tomatoe,chopped (i used a can of diced tomatoes)

2 Tbsp & 2 tsp garam masala

Salt and pepper

2-2/3 C water

Heat the 1 tbsp of oil in a a large skillet over med-high heat. Add the cubed tofu and cook until lightly brown on all sides. About 10mins
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Remove from skillet and set aside. Reduce heat and pour remaining oil. Stir in the onions, peppers and garlic. Cook until soften, about 5 mins.
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Return tofu to the skillet along with the beans and tomatoe. Season with the garam masala, salt, and pepper, pour in the water.
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Bring to a simmer and cook 10-15 mins until thickened to your desire consistency. Remove from stove and allow to rest for 5 mins before serving. I added some lemon to each plate. It was yummy.
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I WANT TO

– have money to finish my schooling

– be loved and cared for

– be able to sit down and draw what I’m feeling

-not have to worry/stress

– move before 2014

– be myself

– be happy

– have a back rub

– have the knots in my shoulders gone

– ride my bike around town without feeling like my heart is gonna jump out

– be healthy

– do my stress test and not have them stop because I can’t do it anymore

– be rid of the anxiety

– come home/wake up and the dishes are done, laundry hung/folded, bedroom cleaned.

Getting Better & July List

      I have been away for awhile. Lets start with the meds. I’ve been taking them, but cut it in half. They made me way to tired. I could barely keep my eyes open. My weight has slowly gone up. I have an appetite again. Yeah 🙂 i am staying positive and hooping it all gets better.

         I am starting to crochet again. Finally motivated to make some creations. I’ve also started to draw more. Trying new medias. Is that the right term/word? By the end of the month I want to have at least 5 new items up for sale in tbe Etsy shop.

        I have been cooking more as well. Trying new recipes out. I’m loving it!! Baking cookies non stop it seems. Getting into baking healthy cookies. 🙂

        So… i went to high school, then I did homeschool. I never finished homeschool. I recently contacted them and said I want to finish. I need 6 1/2 credits left to get my diploma. Making it a goal to finish it by the end of the year. :):)

JULY GOALS

— 5 New items up in the shop
— Catch up on my penpal letters
— start my homeschooling
— start working.out everyday again

— Go out on the town with a friend
— Make a lunch pkan for August
— Get as many hours of work as I can
— Take my medicine and multi vitamins

I would love to know what everyone has been getting done in July. How are your goals? If you’re taking meds, how is it going? Comment below about it or comment with a link to your blog post about these questions.

UNTIL NEXT TIME.
         

Watch “I’m Making A Book!” on YouTube

Help her reach her new goal of 5,000. She is amazing. 🙂

So Far So Good

      I have been taking my medicine and the only draw back would be I’m tired. I have been working and being more active so that could be it as well. I have to wait and see. :/ Been doing great at work! 🙂

      I even met a guy and his kids from Seattle. The guy said they are down visiting his wife’s family. He gave me some information and his email. I gave him my email and phone, he said he’ll send some more info and if he comes across any places for rent or hire. 🙂 I’m so excited. Now the big step will be to get all the money we need. Still struggling in that department. 😦 Hopefully I can sell some stuff and get more hours at work, maybe a new job.

        The future is looking better, brighter. Tomorrow I want to get stuff done. I need to crochet new things. Just renewed a lot of items in the Etsy shop.

Check it out, let me know what you think. Like or want anything? We accept PayPal
MunsterNCookie@live.com

MunsterNCookie

Thanks for reading. Until next time. 🙂

Day 1 of Medicine

Last night i took my pill at bedtime. I got tired, which is good. I usually don’t sleep till about 2-4. I’ll lay there and close my eyes pretending to sleep. I do fall asleep sometimes before 12. So anyways, today i woke up and there was some anxiety. But i did clothes and made something to eat for Munster and I and coffee for him. I got ready for work. Work was okay. Very busy now cause of the back to school sale and store wide clearance. But so far so good. My doctor said it’ll take up to a week. Hopefully it kicks in way sooner. 🙂

Oh this morning i woke up and first thing i did was donate to Goldenjellybeans kickstarter.
Which you should too! 🙂

Still trying to crochet stuff, but i haven’t the motivation to. 😦

Thanks for reading. Ill keep you posted.

Yesterday and Today

   Yesterday I had a pretty good day. I ate breakfast and chilled out. I was smiling and happy. Even went to work and I did my hair and makeup 🙂 

  Last night before bed sucked but I made it through. This morning I woke up with anxiety and Ihad a doc appointment at 10:15. Well my morning wasn’t to good. I ended up feeling like shit. I got to my appointment at 10:47, very late. I talked to my doctor and she prescribed a pill. Hopefully it will work and will help me gain weight since i lost 6 pounds from all of this. 😦

    I received an email from an apartment up in Tacoma,Wa. I called them took down info and numbers. Now i need to figure how to get to those numbers. Seattle was the finale destination, but Tacoma has a Toys R Us/Babies R Us. Its only 15 mins out of Seattle so we can still go. The apartment looked awesome. I only got to see it through pics but still looked nice.

If anyone want to buy any of my crochet items or want it but in another colour please let me know. I have a PayPal so we can do payment through there.

PAYPAL – MunsterNCookie@live.com

ETSY – MunsterNCookie.etsy.com

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Thank you for reading. Until next time. 🙂

I feel it Starting Again

So, yesterday was an awful day. I couldn’t get out of bed and had no appetite. Was struggling with myself all day. This morning I wake up and I’m filled with anxiety. I’ve worked so hard to overcome goraphobia and social anxiety. But I feel it starting again. My head is filled with all those thoughts and my body is shaking. I want to take Munster to the library to see a magic show, but i don’t know if I can make it.

I don’t have an appetite again today. I feel sick and i want to throw up since this morning. I don’t want to be like this. I want to be normal. Well as normal as I ever was 🙂 hehe. I will try and take Munster to the library and hopefully i can stay 1+ hours so he can see the show and check out some books.

I remember going to the doctor and just being told more pills more pills! They made me sick, drunk like and slipping in and out of consciousness. Therapist did nothing for me my whole life.

I just want to be BETTER.
I just want to be NORMAL.
I want to HAPPY.
I want to feel SANE.
I want to FREE.
Most of all I want to be MYSELF.

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How i feel